Thursday, March 4, 2010

The worst part is the waiting - Which idiot said that?

Normally I am not the kind of person who's emotions totally get the best of them, but this week has been the exception. Tuesday I woke up when Patrick got out of the bed (and that is a little bit of a stretch because in order to "wake up" you must have slept). I laid there and listened to him shower. Cameron was curled up beside me, and I began to cry. I heard the shower turn off, and I wiped my tears and nose on the sleeve of my gown (I know, gross), and I pretended to be asleep while Patrick got dressed. When he kissed me goodbye, I broke down into tears. He gave me a squeeze, and then Cameron woke up and said "No cry Momma. No cry." which made me cry even more! I manage to suck it up long enough to make it to the bathroom. I look at the shower and then the tub and back to the shower. Time for some hydro-thearapy. I run a hot bath, and ease in hoping that when I pulled the drain that my terror would get sucked down with that little cyclone that shows up in the drain right before all of the water is gone - not so lucky.

My co-worker Adelle called as I was on the way to take Cameron to daycare because she was having some computer problems. "How are you this morning?" she asks in the super cheery voice. I just fall apart and sob. I am sure I totally freaked her out. I mean, we have only worked together for a few months, and there I am bawling my eyes out over the phone as Cameron sings "My Name is Stegosaurus" in the backseat. I park at daycare, help Adelle trouble shoot her computer, and then take Cameron into school. I set Cam down, give her a kiss and tell her I love her, and do my best not to make eye contact with any of her teachers. I bump into Phyllis (Cameron's teacher from 12 weeks until she moved up last week), and I start to cry. I just kept telling myself "GET IT TOGETHER ERIN!!" I make it to work and stay choked up most of the morning. Instead of lunch I went home and got BACK in the tub. I filled it so much that the only things sticking out were my nose and knees.

Wednesday I was drowned in work, which was nice because it gave me something else to think about during the day. I was working in Aiken, and I got back to Columbia around 4:30. I went by the house to see if Patrick was home. I knew that if he had gotten bad news he wouldn't have called me while I was on the road, but he would have come home from work. My heart raced as I pulled into my neighborhood, but when I saw an empty driveway, I was overjoyed. I changed out of my work clothes, returned my rental car, and headed across town for choir practice. I was so pleased with myself - I hadn't cried all day. Before practice our choir director asked if anyone had prayer requests and I well up with tears. I am a firm believer in the power of prayer. I think that the Quakers have a wonderful description of what prayer is - Holding one in the Light.

After practice, I drove home. I got home around 8:00. Patrick and Cameron were in our bed. Patrick was nearly asleep and Cameron was perched like a little bird on the end of our bed watching Dora the Explorer, and singing right along. Just from the look on his face, I could tell he hadn't heard anything. I gave him a kiss on the head, Cameron a squeeze, and asked him what that they eaten for dinner. - Pop Tarts. Normally he would have carried a butt cutting for that, but I just kind of laughed under my breath, and rolled with the punches. One night of a frosted strawberry with sprinkles dinner won't kill her :)

I was hoping for a nice long kid free bath to soak my back (which is full of knots and killing me), but no such luck. Cameron heard the bathwater turn on, and she lept off the bed like a gazelle. "Gee in bubble bath! Gee in tub peez!" Who could say no to "peez"? My nice relaxing bath turned into a splash fest. Oh well.

Normally I am a fall asleep when I hit the bed kind of person, but between worry and my back, I have had a hard time sleeping. After laying in bed for nearly 2 hours, I got up and took something to help me sleep, so I slept like a log which was nice.

One more night of waiting....

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Erin, I'm so very sorry you have to endure this again. Hopefully he'll get great news!